|
Home >> Complementary Medicine >> Sexual Health
Sexual Health Bladder Cancer Prevention |
Herbal Medicine |
Supplements | Presentations | Prostate Cancer Prevention |
Sexual Health |
Stress Reduction
Erectile dysfunction (E.D.), a condition that affects at least 30 million American men, is defined as the inability to achieve an erection sufficient for vaginal intercourse. Erectile dysfunction is not a normal part of the aging process. Nevertheless, half of the men between the ages of 40-70 experience some degree of E.D.- 17% experience minimal and 25% experience moderate difficulties; whereas, only 10% of men are unable to achieve any erection.
Over 90% of E.D. is organic (not in your head). Common causes of organic E.D. include medications (esp. blood pressure, heart, and antidepressant medications) and medical diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, vascular disease, elevated cholesterol, and high blood pressure.
Physchogenic E.D. is due to non-organic causes such as “fear of failure”. Regardless of the cause, it is still possible to have a wonderful love life even if the cause of E.D. can’t be corrected – read on.
Normal Changes with Aging:
- Takes longer to achieve an erection and erections are more difficult to sustain, but on the plus side, compared to younger men, older men have better control of their erections
- Requires more physical stimulation because there is less penile sensation
- Erections are less rigid and after ejaculation, erections become soft quicker
- Ejaculate (‘come’) volume is smaller, ejaculation is less intense, and there isn’t a build up before ejaculation . . . it just happens.
- It takes longer to get a second erection, sometimes as long a day or more
- Male hormone levels (testosterone) decrease but only slightly with age
- Sexual desire decreases after age 50 however 50% of men in their 90’s are still interested in sex and 15% are still sexually active
- It’s normal to have difficulty getting an erection after a long period of abstinence (called widower’s syndrome) but normal sexual function can return.
- Decreased frequency of intercourse is normal (53% of men age 60 have sex once a week, but only 24% of men after age 70 have sex weekly.)
Common Myths about Male sexuality:
- Most men are sexually knowledgeable. (only 1 in 6 men received adequate sexual education)
- It’s rare for a man to lose his erection on his first ever sexual encounter. (25% fail their first time)
- Penile size is the most important thing to women (being a good lover is much more important. Besides, except for a few outliers, most men are similarly endowed: 2 - 4 inches soft and 5 - 6 hard). Just the same, 2 out of 3 men think that their penises are too short.
- After teenage years, most men don’t masturbate. (95% of men masturbate. It’s a normal part of sexuality and allows men to learn about their bodies and to learn about the normal male sexual response ).
- It’s rare for married men to masturbate. (A majority of married men still masturbate )
- Inhibited sexual desire is rare. (It happens to all men at one time or another, and 30% of men over age 50 have ISD, but it becomes chronic in only 10-15% of men).
- When couples stop having sex, it’s usually at the woman’s request (90% of the time it’s the man’s decision).
- Most couples have sex daily. (the average varies from 3x weekly to once every 2 weeks)
- Most women achieve orgasm during intercourse (only 25-50% of women achieve orgasm during intercourse, another third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but are still orgasmic).
- The norm is for intercourse to last more than 10 minutes (only 10% intercourse lasts longer than 10 minutes)
- It’s a sign of trouble if a man loses his erection during lovemaking except after orgasm (it’s normal for erections to wax and wane 2-5 times during a typical love making session)
- It’s rare for men under the age of 40 to lose an erection unexpectedly. (90% have lost an erection at least once by the time they reach age 40. Unplanned loss of an erection is not a sexual death sentence. Of men who lose an erection unexpectedly, one third have problems for weeks to months, but regain normal function; 10-15% have intermittent or chronic problems with erections.
- It’s unusual for married men to fantasize during sex (It’s normal to fantasize during sex - 75% of men do it.)
- Men should always be the initiators of sex. (Boring!!!)
- Men should know all the answers about sex (look in the mirror and answer this one)
- Circumsized men have less sensation than uncircumcised men (the head of the penis, not the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis)
- The sexual organs are confined to the penis and vagina (The whole body is a sexual organism. Explore and discover your erogenous zones and those of your partner .)
- The man should always be on top (If you believe this you should become a missionary)
- Good sex only occurs when both partners have simultaneous orgasms. (Although it’s wonderful when it happens, simultaneous orgasms are rare. Good sex is defined as anything that enhances the enjoyment for both partners, whatever it is ; bad sex, on the other hand is anything other than this.)
- It’s a man’s job to make sure that his partner has an orgasm every time (no, both ways)
- Sex should stop after a man has had an orgasm. (Erase this from your memory bank)
- It’s not possible to ejaculate with a soft penis (a soft penis has just as many nerve endings as an erect penis, and ejaculation is possible with a soft penis)
- Sex is the most important thing in a good relationship (in healthy relationships sex is rated a significant factor only 15% of the time; but in toxic relationships, sex is a significant factor [usually as a weapon] 75% of the time)
- Foreplay should always lead to sexual intercourse (a better term for foreplay is pleasuring, since the term foreplay implies that it’s a prelude to intercourse. Women often avoid passionate kissing and hugging because their partner interprets their gestures of affection as a prelude to intercourse. Although it may be, cuddling should not be interpreted as an automatic invitation to have sex. Intimacy is enhanced by physical touch, but not it there are strings attached.)
- Intimate touching after orgasm means that your partner wants to have more sex. (Although it may, more often than not, it is merely an expression of affection. Return the touch and draw your partner closer)
- Men have only a certain number of ejaculations in a lifetime. Once they’re used up, it’s over. (poppycock, ridickerous)
- Once men feel that they are going to ejaculate, it can’t be stopped (Three seconds elapse between the feeling of “inevitability”and ejaculation. Men can learn how to delay ejaculation by learning how to identify this sensation and control it)
- It’s unusual for problems with erections to continue once the primary problem has been corrected (it’s not unusual for E.D. to continue for a while, however it becomes a chronic problem only 15% of the time).
- Low male hormone is a common cause of E.D. (It’s the primary cause in only 6% of men with E.D.).
Normal Female Sexual Response:
- Males and females share the same 4 stages of sexual response: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The pattern of each phase varies according to a number of factors including age, physical and emotional health, medications, etc.
- In general, women take longer than men to become sexually aroused and require more direct genital stimulation. Direct clitoral stimulation, though, can be irritating so ask your partner what works best for her.)
- Fewer than half of women achieve orgasm during intercourse. A third of women never achieve orgasm during orgasm. Women can achieve one orgasm or multiple orgasms depending on the situation.
- In addition to engorgement of the genitals with sexual arousal, lips, nipples, breast tissue, and ear lobes also engorge with blood. Find out for yourself.
- Women don’t have just one “G”spot. It varies from woman to woman. Have fun exploring!
[Top]
How To Manifest A Magnificent Love Life:
How to initiate lovemaking:
- Make an attractive offer:
- Continually strive to create a dynamic, healthy relationship that respects the individuality and worth of each person as an equal partner.
- Try a little romance and build arousal: Buy some flowers, send your partner a seductive card, play your mate’s favorite music, go parking, slow dance, kiss passionately, light candles, try essential oils or flower essences (available at any health food store, hint: choose a type you both like), make your partner feel special all the time Inot just when you want to get it on), take a bath together and take turns washing one another, talk about your fantasies, undress your partner slowly, try sex and mangoes, etc.
- Make an offer not a demand
- Be willing to be rejected.
How to Improve sexual arousal:
- Pleasuring:
- experiment: try closing your eyes throughout the whole lovemaking session (or try a blindfold ),
 switch roles as initiators of lovemaking, communicate your likes and dislikes in a loving way.
- Ever so often, dedicate an entire lovemaking session to pleasuring your partner until orgasm without going on to have intercourse. Don’t forget to cuddle and experience the afterglow together, though. The next time, switch roles.
- Learn how to give and receive pleasure. You’re worth it. You deserve pleasure. It’s okay to be first sometimes.
- Give your partner a massage or back rub with massage oil.
- Have fun planning your sexual escapades. Read books together on different techniques of pleasuring.
- Intercourse:
- Continue pleasuring one another, and take time to enjoy the experience.
- Focus on the wonderful sensations, not your orgasm. Yum.
- Try different positions, different rhythms (oh yeah)
- Practice Kegel exercises, that is learn how to squeeze the muscles that you use to stop and start urination, and this will lead to more intense orgasms.
- Ask your partner what turns them on.
- Try directly stimulating your partner’s erogenous zones during intercourse and vice versa. Ask them what flips their switch.
- Afterglow:
- Enjoy holding your partner and snuggling. Don’t just do something, my man, lie there and enjoy the experience. Making love is a sacred experience, it’s an exchange of energy on all levels: body, mind, and soul. Whatever you do, don’t jump up and turn on the TV or rush back to whatever you were doing before your lovemaking. Although “quickies”can be exciting at times, a steady diet of hit and runs will bring a crashing halt to your love life. Trust me on this one. If you don’t have time to enjoy the experience, pick another time.
[Top]
How to improve Inhibited Sexual Desire
Inhibited sexual desire (decreased libido) affects all men at one time or another, but it’s an ongoing problem for 30% of men over the age of 50. The major cause is negative anticipation that usually results from a disappointing sexual experience, followed by increasing periods of abstinence and avoidance of sexual thoughts. Techniques to improve sexual desire include:
- Understanding the normal male and female sexual response (see above)
- Understanding the normal male sexual changes that occur with aging.
- Working with your partner by:
- Working on intimacy, sharing, and respect. Inhibited sexual desire is often a sign of relationship problems. Don’t take your relationship for granted.
- Trying pleasuring without worrying about proceeding to intercourse
- Conjuring up erotic scenarios with your partner (see above under how to initiate lovemaking)
- Developing a regular rhythm of sexual activity
- Seeking help from a professional that specializes in sexual counseling if the above steps fail to improve the situation.
- Assure privacy.
- Go on a vacation (with your partner )
- Avoid alcohol, smoking, and recreational drugs.
- If you take medications, ask your doctor if any of them could be causing inhibited sexual desire. Many do.
• Avoid trying to make love if you’re ill, in pain, angry, or too tired.
- Try making love in the morning when your male hormone level is the highest.
 How to improve Inhibited Ejaculation
Inability to achieve an ejaculation (‘come’) during intercourse affects 5-15% of men. It may be the result of medication, especially anti-depressant and anti-hypertensive medications, or be the result of surgery or nerve injury.
However, inhibited ejaculation is usually due to one of the following reversible causes: prior negative sexual experience, strict religious upbringing with the mantra that pleasurable sex is bad, fear of contracting AIDS, anger, using sex as a weapon, confusion about normal male sexuality, initiating lovemaking before being adequately aroused, or lack of stimulation, especially in older men. Note: Men with inhibited ejaculation can usually ejaculate with masturbation.
Reversing inhibited ejaculation involves confidence building and education about the normal male sexual response. Although inhibited ejaculation may be viewed by some as a blessing in disguise, it’s not: prolonged intercourse without ejaculation can be uncomfortable and persistently being unable to ejaculate robs both partners of sexual pleasure. Reclaim the ability to ejaculate by:
- Communicating your sexual preferences and fantasies with your partner
- Emphasizing pleasuring and erotic stimulation instead of worrying about ejaculating. Ejaculation will come of its own accord.
- Learning about normal male sexuality
- Identifying fears and as a couple, developing scenarios to overcome them.
- Rediscovering eroticism by sharing fantasies, experimenting on different types of genital and non-genital stimulation
- Allowing yourself to receive pleasure
- Becoming aware of orgasm triggers and incorporating the triggers into your lovemaking routine.
- Seeking professional help if the above measures are unsuccessful.
[Top]
How to overcome Early Ejaculation
Early ejaculation, also know as premature ejaculation, is defined as ejaculating before or within 30 seconds of intercourse. Although lovemaking usually lasts 45 minutes or so, intercourse only accounts for 2 to 7 minutes of the total time for 90% of couples. Early ejaculation affects 30% of men thus making it the most common male sexual problem.
Although medications or techniques to divert attention away from erotic pleasure (e.g. biting your tongue, wearing two condoms, applying ‘numbing’ ointment to the head of the penis, focusing on non-sexual thoughts, out of body experiences) may delay ejaculation, they rob the man of sexual pleasure. Delay ejaculation by:
- Identifying the point of inevitability – the point just before ejaculation. Masturbate and vary the degree of stimulation or work with your partner with oral or manual stimulation. Stop at the first sensation that you are about to ejaculate. Squeezing firmly just below the head of the penis will usually prevent orgasm if it’s done early enough. Once you’ve mastered this technique, you can transfer it to lovemaking and experiment with different positions and thrusting techniques. Help your partner discover their point of no return. Laugh, play, and have fun.
- Emphasizing pleasuring. If you ejaculate earlier than planned, enjoy it. Much of the fun is in pleasuring one another anyway. You can try different ways of stimulating your partner to orgasm. Be playful. Take the pressure off performance. Your male esteem should not be on the line every time you make love. Don’t shortchange yourself or your partner by forgetting the after glow portion of lovemaking.
- If the above techniques don’t work, seek professional help.
Some of the information listed above was derived from a book by Barry and Emily McCarthy entitled Male Sexual Awareness: Increasing Sexual Satisfaction, revised edition I. New York: Carroll & Graf Publishers, Inc., 1998). I highly recommend it.
[Top]
Home | Our Urology Providers in North Carolina | Cary Urology: Cary, Clinton, Dunn | Landmark Urology: Raleigh | Urology Care: Wake Forest | North Carolina Urological Associates: Cary, Raleigh | Wake Urological Associates: Raleigh | Patient Information | Men's Urology: Bladder Problems |
Erectile Dysfunction | Infections |
Infertility | Kidney Problems |
Kidney Stones | Penis Problems | Prostate Problems | Testicle Problems |
Urinary Incontinence |
Vasectomy |
Women's Urology: Bladder Problems | Kidney Problems | Kidney Stones | Pelvic Organ Prolapse | Urinary Incontinence | Urinary Tract Infection | Pediatric Urology: Hydronephrosis | Hypospadias |
Inguinal Hernia | Undescended Testicles |
Urinary Frequency | Vesicoureteral Reflux | What's New | Contact Associated Urologists of North Carolina
Disclaimer:
The pictures displayed in www.auncurology.com are images of physicians, patients and employees who have consented to have their pictures in this website.
|
